Friendship at a Distance
By now we’re all well versed in ways to stay connected while social distancing. Not a day goes by where I don’t see an Instagram story showing off another occasion being hosted over Zoom instead of in-person.
The fact is I started writing this about six months ago, before COVID-19 and shelter-at-home, when I was simply thinking about all the fun ways I’ve found myself feeling close to my long-distance friends. Quarantine or not, our lives are more global than ever, thanks to technology and affordable travel. Charlotte is the third city I’ve called home, and while, sure, moving may change your relationship with some people, the close friends in your life can remain close regardless of distance. It just takes a little extra effort.
Here are a few of the ways my friends and I stay connected, regardless of the distance between us.
Weekly 1:1s
That’s right, just like I have with my manager at work, one of my best friends, Libby, and I scheduled weekly 1:1 check-ins. A while back, we realized that when we ended our catch-ups with “let’s talk soon!,” “soon” never seemed to be soon enough. Suddenly two months would go by since our last chat. Being the Type-A kids that we are, we put weekly calls on our calendar. Now, even with three time zones between us, we chat almost every Wednesday! Sometimes it’s a phone call, sometimes it’s FaceTime. Sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes it’s an hour and a half. And of course, sometimes it’s just a text asking to raincheck or reschedule. But we connect every week, and that regular reminder has us more in sync again!
Your Regular Hang, But Make It Virtual
My last week in Chicago, my friend Jen and I met up for a final brunch before I moved. We camped out in our booth for four hours, bottomless mimosas flowing the whole time (honestly I can’t believe they didn’t kick us out). I assured her that I had no intention of saying “goodbye,” and that of COURSE we’d stay in contact! Then I moved, and months would go by between texts and Instagram messages, saying “I miss you!!!! Talk soon??”
The problem? Jen and I aren’t phone friends. In fact… I don’t remember us ever talking on the phone. In Chicago, we’d go to each other’s fitness classes, and meet for brunch.
During my first visit back, we met for brunch at our regular spot, and it hit us: video chat brunch! Before we left the restaurant, we blocked a day on our calendar where we’d make breakfast and mimosas at home, and then hop on FaceTime.
Y’all, it’s awesome. Now, we meet up once a month, often for hours at a time, just like we would IRL. The key for us is to schedule the next meet up while we’re chatting. Once it’s on the calendar, we know it will happen.
Once the quarantine started, I’ve seen more and more of these virtual hangs pop up! Now, one of our other old Chicago friend groups (which is now spread out between Chicago, Charlotte and Minneapolis) meets up for weekly virtual game nights. Netflix is enabling people to watch movies together, from a distance. People are meeting up for group fitness classes together on Zoom.
It’s easier than ever to meet up online, so why try to force yourself to a phone call? Find the thing you and your friends like to do together, and I promise you can find a way to make it happen virtually.
Shared Amazon Wish List
One of my oldest friends, Ashleigh, and I would periodically go through long periods where we lost touch, only to reconnect again and realize how much we love hanging out. Our most recent reconnection resulted in a 3-HOUR-LONG phone call which left both of us energized and feeling very mushy about our friendship.
Ever since we met in seventh grade, we shared a similar taste in books, movies and TV shows. I can’t remember how many nights in high school we spent watching movies together on the phone! And even now, at least a third of our conversations start with “Have you read/seen [insert book/show/movie/podcast]?? Oh my god you would LOVE IT!!”
So, we set up a shared Amazon wish list for recommendations! We can periodically add books or other things we think the other would enjoy, share favorites and keep track of things we’ve both heard good things about. We don’t update it often, but it’s a fun way to keep track of our various, “you would LOVE it” moments.
Friendiversaries + Other Traditions
At some point when we were both single and discussing how deep friendships are as impactful as romantic relationships in a person’s life (why yes there WAS wine involved, how did you know?), one of my best friends, Leslie, and I decided that WE deserved an annual celebration of our love.
We figured out when it was that we actually started hanging out outside of our classes in college, and picked a date. Now, every year we try to do something special to commemorate it — whether it’s a trip to see each other or just a sweet message on the day. (Though nothing will top the first celebration, where we each planned an anniversary surprise for the other and had to extend it to a two-night-long celebration!)
Setting up special traditions with friends is a fun way to stay connected, even if it’s just once a year! Three of my best gal pals in Chicago and I would meet up every Galentine’s Day for brunch (something we should definitely start doing virtually!). I have friends who plan annual trips to see each other, no matter where they’re living at the time. It doesn’t matter how often, or how extensive (or expensive!) the celebration is; the point is to say, “at this time, you know I’m thinking about you.”
Private Facebook Groups
Look, I know Facebook is far from the new hotness. But private groups are great for larger groups of friends who live all over the place! I’m a member of a couple, and it’s become one of the only reasons I stay on the site at all.
Keeping the groups completely private/secret helps conversations to be more open and honest than they would be if you knew it was being shared on people’s feeds, and it’s a fun way to share silly internet content that doesn’t necessarily warrant a text.
(I’ve also got a couple group chats on Instagram for the same reasons.)
We are all coming up with new and creative ways to bring normalcy to our now long-distance relationships. Maybe, this forced time apart will help us find ways to stay better connected, even after things get back to normal.